🔥SURGERY DAY🔥

Technically- Day 17 of 🔥pain🔥

I wake up in the surgical recovery area feeling amazing. I've had surgeries- too many to count- and I have never woken up feeling so good.

My memory isn't great when it comes to that hour or two- but my 👩🏻mom was there-

she told me 😎 had talked to her after the surgery and she recorded it to help remember what he said:

(🟢 this is another faith dot moment)

 This moment matters. Thanking all things holy.

Looking back- this is when 😎 earns some respect:

1. He meets with me after surgery

2. He validates my pain (almost apologetically)

3. He says "the scans didn't look like the pain was as bad, -it was all bone and bigger than the images"

4. He knows the timeline and expects a response.

❌❌❌SPOILER ALERT❌❌❌

• we will never get a preliminary report from pathology

• it's not 😎 fault, but day 5 comes and goes

• we will not know anything until day 15

• appointments with oncology get scheduled and kept, only to review my chart because the biopsy isn't back

There are pictures from this day- sorry for the staples but 😎 has a thing- clearly he REALLY wants the protection of the bandage in the elevator - he stapled the gauze down (I guess he always does ) only for 👩🏼‍⚕️ to come to my room two hours later to remove it.

• I comment 🫤

• So does 👩🏼‍⚕️too

It's odd- but I feel good-

Tomorrow is Halloween 🎃 and I'm good enough to plan-

between the sleepover with Kinley on Saturday and my Amazon ordering....The kids are set to decorate the house like the upsidedown + this feels appropriate (Netflix/Stranger Things).

I hate missing anything for the kids- but Cory (the ex husband), my friends Sarah, and Sadie are planning to come cover for me. I'm grateful.

👩🏻 Mom agrees to bring up the kids before trick-or-treating for makeup and dinner.

but- it's Logan's first time and he is afraid-

Any parent of 2+ kids can relate to how different parenting needs for each one...

In my world, Logan + Kinley are opposite souls-

This means- I'm not planning a sleepover for the big guy- he's getting:

• a quick tour, some humor, and 🎃🤡 distraction to avoid the appearance of the hole in my skull.

He's 18, but I completely mistook his gaming drive when he was in his feelings and scared-

No shame- my career doesn't translate to perfect parenting- I'm human and make a ton of mistakes but I'm always trying.

We've been on FaceTime everyday but it wasn't enough-

• I offer to do his joker makeup

• That tour of the "executive suite"

• We talk about making up for him missing the Halloween movie night.

• I let him know that my costume is set and I officially have the same hair as my favorite musician (Maynard James Keenan/TOOL).

• I try to make sure he knows his mom is solid and safe.

It works well enough to get him to agree- but I'll make sure I'm covered until hes ready or curious....

Kinley's now cool with the floor so she wants to see the opening, understand it's okay, and laugh at my new haircut.

It's a balance that's fun and I'm always learning.

I can work on all of it tomorrow.... I need sleep.